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Holy moly Batman! Mani/Peds for men are now au courant. Specialty Salons are opening to cater and provide macho manicures for men along with Scotch and Sports TV.

And that’s not all, before you can flutter your eyes, makeup for men will be a coast-to-coast reality. It does no good to deny it. Several years ago men went to barbers for their usual haircuts. The guy who went to a stylist was considered a fop. Now every man in Beverly Hills has his own hair consultant.  They said they’d never use perfume. Shaving lotion was as far as they’d go. Today men’s cologne just about out-sells women's. So do not think a powder puff won’t become a vital item in your attaché case or lunch pail. It is only a matter of time before the Avon Man comes to ring your chimes.

This already happened, or is happening in your neighborhood. I overheard George and Rocky having a chat.

GEORGE: Say, Rocky. You've been looking pretty good these days. Did you have your face lifted or something?

ROCKY: No, George. It is this new foundation I’m wearing called Machismo Macho. You really should try some.

GEORGE: I don’t think so. My gal likes the well-scrubbed look on me. She hates when I look artificial.

ROCKY: So does mine. She has no idea that all these good looks are done with the magic of makeup. That is because I use a delicate hand in applying my blusher. And I always use the highlighter sparingly so that it merely blends into my mustache and appears to be part of my own coloring.

GEORGE: Well, what does she say when she sees you without any makeup in the morning?

ROCKY: To tell you the truth, I’ve never let that happen. I couldn’t bear it if she saw me without rouge, my primer and foundation. And I would absolutely die if she caught me without my false eyelashes.

GEORGE: I don’t see how you can avoid it, Rocky.

ROCKY: Oh, don’t underestimate the ingenuity of a desperate man. I always awaken a half-hour before she does. I run into the bathroom and turn on the electric shaver so she won't suspect and then, after cleansing my face thoroughly, (that is very important, George), and applying a good moisture cream, then I quickly dab on my makeup.

GEORGE: It sounds complicated and phony to me. After all, my gal loves me for my natural good looks. She thinks of me as the boy-next-door type. Wouldn’t I be dishonest if I resorted to all that camouflage?

ROCKY: Not at all. Every male should look as good as he can.

GEORGE: And you do not think it is effeminate?

ROCKY (indignantly): Of course not! Actors and newsmen have been wearing cosmetics for years. What about football players? They are totally masculine, and they always wear eye shadow in front of 50 million people. Unfortunately they incorrectly apply it under their eyes.

GEORGE: I guess that’s true. So you have no problems?

ROCKY:  I didn’t say that, George. Sure there are.  Sometimes the little woman inadvertently uses my eyeliner and forgets to put the cap on and it dries out. That really bugs me. And a couple of times when we were out dancing, I got lipstick on her Peter Pan collar and she asked if I was a secret Painted Hussy? I lied and said I had bitten my lip and she apologized.

GEORGE: Gee, you must have felt rotten, Rocky.

ROCKY: I did. I just wanted to cry, but I was afraid my mascara would run. George, if you’re not going to finish your beer, can I have it?

GEORGE: If you want, but there is just a little bit left.

ROCKY: It is enough. I just want to use it in my shampoo. It gives my hair body and shine.

GEORGE: You really are a wealth of information. Okay, kid. I’ll see you later.

ROCKY: Where are you going, George? Our shift isn’t over.

GEORGE: I know. I’m just going to powder my nose... I mean pour the cement.

ROCKY: Ok then I’ll help….Oh, geez. Sorry George, you’ll have to start without me. I’ll be back in an hour. I just smudged my nail.

Jan Marshall

Jan Marshall is an author, humor columnist, certified clinical hypnotherapist and motivational speaker.

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